I was reflecting on my blog, and general presence online, the last several months. I have been wrestling with the idea of do I continue this? It seems that no matter the intention I set and the planning I do, I have just not had the time. I was trying to figure out why? Is it really just time? I mean the baby is 7 months and I have always done this with a baby as a foster parent.

Besides the fact that our internet situation has not been stable with it sometimes going out days at a time (we think we finally have that resolved) 

 I realized a couple of things. For one, I am never alone anymore. With moving to Nicaragua to follow God’s call to full time ministry, I didn’t really realize I would ever be alone again. I didn’t realize how alone time is exactly what I need to function as a creative and to put time into a project as big as keeping a blog youtube channel and podcast going.

The mom guilt is also setting in hard as I know this is my last chance to do the baby stage, so I am soaking that up more than I have ever had.

I am also on my 2nd year homeschooling and for some reason I still thought I would have plenty of pockets of time to work with that, but any pockets seem to go to other responsibilities and maybe I am still just figuring it all out.

How to juggle all the new balls that my life now contains that it didn’t a year ago.

That partnered with me no longer being a foster parent which is what I used to love talking about and the general lack of disgust due to covid and everything going on with that has me super uninspired about being on social media it has just been tough to continue to write and create content.

I pray I can figure this out because there has been 6 years of hard work put in here and I still feel like the Lord has this for me. But I am a multi passionate person and sometimes struggle with doing all I want to do or all I feel the Lord has on my heart to do.

But He is not telling me to give this up even though parts of me think that would just be the easiest. It would allow me to just lay this one thing to rest. But I know I would miss it and do something else to fill the time I do spend working on it, even if it is only a small fraction of my time right now. 

So I am going to take it slow and easy and just keep moving forward. I will take small steps with whatever the Lord has in front of me today and pray that one day I will figure out the time and the renewed passion to really make the time that it takes to do this all. I still feel called to encourage moms. The emails I get regularly even though I haven’t done much lately is confirmation that God wants me to continue sharing. Even though, honestly it feels too hard sometimes. 

I think the older I get the more I realize how our life really is broken into seasons and there are some seasons where it is easy to be productive, or easy to grow a business and there are seasons when things are harder in general. There are seasons of change and growth and leaving behind and starting a new. But can I remind you as I remind myself to bloom where you are planted. And to take time for rest and renewal and not to strive too hard when God is telling you to slow down. 

I want to write and share about motherhood and our daily walk with God. That is where my heart is for you. Pushing out the noise and distractions, and overwhelm ad beig preset right where you are at. Living with intention and excellace with what God has put in front of you that day. Motherhood is a gift and these times are so fleeting and now that I am doe the growing stage of my family and just strictly the raising stage my cotet is going to reflect that. I also know a lot of you are here for foster care stuff but I am no longer a foster parent and I live in a country where foster care doesn’t even exist so as much as I have tried I just haven’t been able to encourage you well. As an adoptive mom I have grown more and more protective of my daughter’s story and wanting her voice to be the perspective that is shared and she is not old enough to do that so I am pulling back from that as well. I will always advocate to get involved in foster care and adoption because I believe families opening their hearts and homes are what will make the biggest impact in the foster care crisis.

I want to share with you what is going on here. Life as an expat, missionary and business owner in a foreign land! I want to share what God is doing and how our lives have changed so much. I want to talk more about homeschool because that has been a huge life change for us our church and people we have met here. There is a lot of my life I want to share with you all. But please know my heart is always to encourage you to walk closely with the Lord. To steward your motherhood well. To enjoy your motherhood. To not subscribe to the hot mess mom culture so prevalent today. To choose well and to cultivate change and growth to be the mom you want to be, the mom that serves and glorifies God.  

Losing my father in law in April and then having a baby coupled with all the things I mentioned has left me in a routine that does not involve creating content and it’s been hard to get back into it but I do miss it and I do love you guys and I am excited to be back! I guess I should mention I deleted my other channel because I can’t even keep up with this one so I will be reposting some of those videos on this channel and picking up where I left off. I am praying for and believing good things for 2022. I have seen God move and His hand of guidance and protection so much is this last year and that has just been one of the best parts. Maybe I was too busy before to see that and this was one way he was using to get my attention. Man I love Jesus. That is all.