As we feel this great chapter of our lives coming to an end we are so excited what the next chapter as a forever family will hold for us.
We have talked about moving, about having another baby, continuing to foster, international adoption, we’ve discussed job changes and ministry opportunities.
But to be honest it is so hard to even look past this next step. This 4 years of waiting to add a child to our family through adoption and watching how beautifully and uniquely Gold unfolded that in our lives has been so life altering for me.
I used to always want to be in control but God has given me this overwhelming peace and I am enjoying living each day for what it is. The gift of today. (Which is a miracle in itself for this enneagram 7)I am just so grateful for this gift. For sunshine and toddler laughter. For service and obedience to where God wants us.
Don’t get me wrong. I am a type A planner with huge dreams and aspirations but nothing can be planned as perfectly as watching how God navigates our lives perfectly to His rhythm. And often seasons of wait allow us to discover who we are and who He has always wanted us to be.
Of course we have hopes and dreams and God often shares in those hopes and dreams but often his timeline isn’t the same as ours and I love how that just shows His sovereignty and power over us. Because His timing is perfect and His will, will be done.
What we know about next is that it is a like a brand new beginning wrapped in the exact same package. I am so excited to see what that middle might look like in a few years but right now it is a brand new beginning and focusing on all that entails. Firsts and beauty undiscovered.
The family God has blessed me with and the circumstances He has allowed. Whether they be thorns or blessings ultimately point to His glory.
So I am trying to take things day by day and not adding any more dreams to the ones I already have and be diligent and obedient with the circumstances of my life today. To work hard with His help at acheiving all the goals He has set out before me.
There are a couple things going through my head that I want to wrote out because maybe there are some other foster/adoptive mamas feeling the same way?
I struggle with having another baby biologically because I feel God has so perfectly called me to care for vulnerable children. No matter what I have done in my past, I have never felt like I fully “fit in” and being a foster and adoptive parent is truly the first time I feel like I am doing EXACTLY what I am supposed to be doing. And if our family continues to grow so it should be that way because that aligns with what I am passionate about. Then there is another part of me that knows every child is a blessing and I still long for a pregnancy and birth of another biological child. I didn’t think Marissa was our last at the time and as my biological clock continues to tick away I don’t ever want to regret not having another biologically just because I am passionate about orphan care ? I mean there is a room for a whole lot more kids in our family. Isn’t that what they created 15 passenger vans for ? Kidding not kidding.
These are just my crazy random thoughts I am rambling now. Sometimes I have to use this blog as an online journal.
All I know is that these past 4 years have been so beautiful. So life altering. I am so grateful.
A grateful heart is a beginning of greatness. It is an expression of humility. It is a foundation for the development of such virtues as prayer, faith, courage, contentment, happiness, love, and well-being. James E. Faust
Grateful for a little girl that I don’t have to say goodbye to. Grateful for our family of 5 right now as it is. It doesn’t matter what comes tomorrow because of who God has blessed me with today.