Pregnancy After Miscarriage
There are so many fears and doubts when you find yourself pregnant after a miscarriage.
Do you know how many pregnancies end in miscarriage? 1 in 4.
That is a lot of little babies lives lost, and lots of mamas hearts broken in pieces.
No matter what the reason for the miscarriage, or how far along the pregnancy was. Losing that precious little life is devastating to all involved.
When you see a positive pregnancy sign on a test, especially if you have been trying for a while, that little second line signals hope, life, love and planning the next 18 years of your life.
You start thinking of what kind of stroller you want, and what color you will paint the nursery. You think of how you are going to tell your family and friends. What cute social media pregnancy announcement you will use. You have to plan the gender reveal and buy a new car to fit baby.
So many thoughts and so much excitement happen immediately after a positive pregnancy test.
But then 6 or 9 or 15 weeks later you are in the ER bleeding, being told that you are having a “spontaneous abortion”. what a stupid and insensitive medical term. The doctor tells you, try again. This is common. You have lots more chances. (Maybe)
You go home and cry, you are in physical pain, but the emotional pain is greater. Your baby is gone.
We all deal with the grief of losing a baby in a different way.
Some women can’t bear the thought of trying…and losing again.
Some women cannot wait to start trying again.
Some women push themselves back into a career or travelling…or anything that won’t make her think about it.
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Some women sit at home in a deep depression trying and trying month after month and not seeing another positive sign. They start questioning life, and their purpose here, and why they can’t get pregnant. Why did my baby have to die? Why do I have to go through this?
No matter how long you wait to try to get pregnant after a miscarriage you are going to be racked with nerves. Worried, terrified of loss, and not fully able to enjoy that pregnancy again. This is certainly how I felt.
We lost our first pregnancy at 9 weeks along. You can read more about my miscarriage experience here.
We tried for 4 months before I was able to get pregnant again.
With my first pregnancy, I was blissfully unaware of all the possible dangers and how common miscarriage is. With my second pregnancy, I was painfully aware of the same dangers and statistics.
I was so riddled with stress and anxiety about losing our second baby, I refused to drink caffeine, exercise vigorously, walk anywhere close to second-hand smoke. I never missed a vitamin or a healthy meal. I made time to meditate and connect with my baby. I stressed about every movement or lack of movement.
I PRAYED, oh Lord how I prayed. Please let me hold this baby in my arms.
Well. My prayers were answered and I just celebrated my rainbow baby’s 6th birthday.
I know exactly why I had that miscarriage. Everything it taught me.
How I am a better mother because of it.
The many conversations I have been able to have with women, going through the same things. To encourage them and uplift them.
Even though the innocence of pregnancy has been lost, hope is still there.
Babies are miracles. Gifts from God.
6 THINGS that gave me peace when I was pregnant again after a miscarriage
- A fetal doppler – this gave me such peace knowing I could listen to our baby’s heartbeat. I found it for the first time myself around 11 weeks. I would check every single day if not multiple times. Nothing could prevent another loss, but just being able to have peace of mind knowing I could hear the heartbeat whenever I wanted was important to me.
- A personalized necklace with the birth month of our lost babe, and engraved dates.
- Working with a midwife. Personally, I had a terrible experience with our first pregnancy and the doctor I was seeing. Her bedside manner was awful and there was zero emotional support from any of the doctors that saw me throughout the whole experience. The midwife experience of support during pregnancy and birth is so special. At least our midwives were. We had such emotional support, we never felt rushed when asking questions, they supported all our choices, and were so instrumental in having a successful unmedicated, natural birth. They were so sensitive to my worries and fears during our pregnancy after loss.
- This may seem silly, but a friend got me “after every storm comes a rainbow” t-shirt and I would wear it to bed, thinking about our rainbow baby.
- Finding support in online forums and TTC groups. It is OK to feel a little crazy over ovulation tests and taking countless pregnancy tests, checking for fertile signs, tracking temps, and making sure to baby dance every other day. I found this book through a forum that helped me to heal, and embrace my feelings of grief, loss and fear.
- Taking care of my emotional health. Talk to friends, a professional, a pastor. Don’t hold all the grief in. Many people will not understand but reach out and you will find people who have been in your shoes. It helps to talk about it.
Keep hope. It is very easy to go to a dark place after the deep and sudden loss of an infant. Just remember you have a forever angel watching over you and your future. We will never know why these sweet angels were not meant to live on earth, and know the comfort of their mother’s arms, but God comforts them in heaven.
