Whether you came to foster mothering as a biological mom first there are certain and specific reasons you were called to fostering.
Being a mother is such a gift. I want you to remember that in the piles of dishes and laundry, in the tantrums and blow outs.
It is a gift not every woman naturally gets.
Even if a diagnosis of infertile is what you are facing in your motherhood there are always kids who need a mother.
I do not intend to downplay the grief and loss of not being able to conceive a child with you and your husbands DNA.
I have walked closely with many women who have experienced this and it is a pain I wish no woman had to feel.
The 4 months of trying to conceive after a miscarriage and feeling like it would never happen again were some of the most painful and desperate moments of my life. It gave me just a glimpse of what infertility might feel like and dear sister if that is you, please know my heart breaks for you.
But I can tell you from experience there is absoloutly no difference between the love I have for my biological children and the love I have for my (almost)adopted daughter from the foster care system. She is just as much mine even though we do not share the same DNA. Even though her story is built on brokenness and pain.
Some of the most beautiful adoption stories are born out of the brokenness of infertility and the breaking of a primary family.
God can use such broken situations to bring such happiness and healing.
So, every woman on this earth can be a mother if they want to be. It doesn’t matter what prefix comes before it. That does not mean easy. It means possible.
God uses our motherhood in such amazing ways. We have a limited number of years to mold and shape these children and point them to Christ.
And although I had a wonderful childhood in worldly ways, my deepest sadness from childhood is I didn’t get to grow up knowing God. I went to catholic school so there was always an awareness and a basic belief but church, and a personal relationship with my savior was not written into the first chapters of my life
I often think why Lord, why didn’t I get that experience my kids are getting? That my husband got? I mean I would be much further in my spiritual maturity if I did right?
God is still working on me and revealing the reasons why. But the plainest of answers is it just wasn’t meant to be my story.
I see God pulling me to play catch up. I also see how maybe someone who grew up in the church may not be able to relate vs how I can relate to people with difficult pasts who are craving the hope that only Jesus can bring.
God uses everything in our past for his glory and goodness if we let Him.
So if your motherhood is born from hurt and brokenness and you are questioning why, we need to find peace in the fact that this was just meant to be our story. Again not easy but possible.
No human gets through life unscathed. We all face hurts and difficulties. I am so grateful we can look forward to heaven with no hurt and pain.
So what are the reasons God called you to be a mother or a foster mother?
Your Sanctification – God uses our motherhood in ways we will never know until we are in it. Here is another post all about sanctification in foster motherhood.
I remember when my husband and I became parents. I was trying to figure out the breastfeeding and the no sleep and the nurturing.
For him it was like a switch went off. He started listening to sermons all of the time. Every time I looked at him his nose was in the bible. He is a pastors kid, he grew up in the church but if you ask him now he says his real relationship with Jesus came after the birth of our first daughter. God uses parenthood to draw us closer and sanctify us.
So does it matter for my spiritual maturity that I didn’t grow up in a Christian home? No. God uses experiences to grow us and sanctify us, to pull us to Him. He is a loving God he is not going to force us, but he will keep pulling us nearer and closer to Him.
Motherhood is one of the biggest ways he teaches us and guides us. Motherhood is full of hard lessons and unknown things we need to figure out. I truly believe we can not parent well without Jesus.
As an imperfect person I struggle with anger and patience with my kids… I can only imagine what I would be like if I didn’t have God to help me in my motherhood.
The amazing thing about Christian motherhood is we are both parent and child. The Lord is parenting us at the same time we are parenting our children. He is teaching us, disciplining us, putting us under heat to refine us, AND transforming us.
I mean is motherhood not the ultimate “living sacrifice” Does motherhood not force us to “take up our cross daily?” Matthew 16:24 Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.
Even in the midst of our selfishness, our up all night to feed newborn babies, teething toddlers, and hormone filled teens do not allow us the selfishness we so easily lean to.
God uses our motherhood and our children to keep bringing us back to Him. Motherhood teaches us fruits of the spirit and to rely on the grace of God. It teaches us to lead by example just like Jesus led by example.
TO NURTURE AND PROTECT
It is incredible to me, the natural bond we feel, the ability to nurture and the ultimate mama bear protection that mothers are blessed with. Fathers too but there is something so special about a mothers love.
This ability does not stop at our biological children, this ability is given any time we are given the responsibility to care for a helpless child.
Children need a mother to survive and we need God to survive. To be fed, to be held close and to be nurtured Isaiah 49:15 Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you.
Brain scans have found evidence of an immediate reaction to babies in parents and non-parents alike in the orbitofrontal cortex, a region of the brain thought to be involved in rewarding and decision-making.
When you read things like that don’t you just go “WOW, God”
The nurturing and protecting hormones we are blessed with as a mother is why generations have continued.
I mean it seems simple when you think about it but when you really dive into the science behind a mother/child bond, the intricacies of God’s handy work in mothers is incredible.
GO AGAINST THE CURRENT
I believe in our current day in age this is harder than it has ever been before. But we were born for such a time as this.
We are the generation of mothers, God is equipping to navigate the constant comparison culture of social media.
Mom shaming is more evident than it has ever been and it has created this concept of failure centred motherhood.
Memes are created daily about being a hot mess mom, and finishing our hard days of mothering with a glass (or bottle) of wine. Self care is defined in ways to escape our motherhood. Our culture has it so wrong. Don’t get me wrong, some days my toddler makes me want to run for the hills and hide but I never stop and focus on the hard.
Yes, motherhood is hard, especially when you add the unique intricacies of foster care and adoption. Yes some days it’s so hard it seems to take everything out of you. But motherhood is a gift. Why do we so easily forget that? Why do we suck the joy out of what should be some of the most beautiful years of our lives?
Where is our focus? Is it on the perfectly curated organic food animals on Krista’s Instagram feed? Is it in the perfectly styled mom and daughter fashion photos? Is it on the pictures of the immaculately clean house of the mothers with 7 children? Or is it on our good God and the purpose of OUR own individual motherhood.
Are we indulging in self care with wine nights and sticking our kids in so many programs so we don’t have to deal with the discipline and the hard stuff? Or are we practicing self care with true soul care and starting the day with Jesus? Asking the Holy Spirit to equip us to face the challenges motherhood entails?
God wants Christian mothers to swim upstream. Let’s not get caught up in the perfectly curated social media pictures and float down the river.
Let’s strive for excellence in our motherhood. Let’s focus on the joy that a family can bring. Let’s be sure we are focusing on Godly things, not worldy things. Let’s open our homes to children in need of a mother.
FOR THE EXAMPLE WE SET – DISCIPLESHIP
Kids get a fresh start. I so envy a childlike faith, I strive for it. My kids don’t think twice about talking about Jesus to their friends or inviting them to church. I wish it was so easy for us moms.
But the fear of judgement, being outcast from friend circles, being the mom no one invites because they don’t want “God shoved down their throats” is real.
We must witness out of love and in the right relationships.
God helps us by blessing us with motherhood. I’ve been able to have conversations about Jesus because my kids have opened the doors. I was able to talk to a foster child’s biological mom about how everything she has done is forgiven if you trust in Jesus.
People see the difference in a mom who genuinely enjoys their motherhood and doesn’t just complain about the hard stuff all the time. A mother who takes the time and effort to teach, train and discipline well, instead of brushing it off as “they are just kids.” Who isn’t yelling and demeaning their child but treating them with respect and grace. Who move past the fear of getting too attached and open their homes to a child in need.
All of these things. All of the reasons God made us moms and foster moms was for Him. For his glory. May you always know that even when you do not feel like it, you are a leader.
MOTHER’S ARE LEADERS
Mother’s are leaders and our biggest role is to point all of our children to Him. So in the hard times, He gets the glory, in the joy filled times he gets the glory. T
The gift of motherhood isn’t just to keep us busy, keep us laughing and keep our hearts bursting with love for these tiny humans that leave us exhausted. There is a greater purpose because of who God is and what He has done.
My prayer for you is that you fully know and understand the sacrifice of the cross, the beauty of God’s love and the gift of motherhood.